Hospital Week, mostly in pictures

So last week I had to be admitted to the hospital, and stay for six nights and six days. I am not feeling well today, so all the details I'll get to later. For now I have a few pictures to share.

I half don't want to post this one because of how scary pale I look, but I think it is at least a good representation of how drastic the transformation can be after a blood transfusion (or three)!

On the way to my doctor's appointment, knowing I would probably get admitted to the hospital. I was not feeling so good... It is hard to catch me not smiling, but this was one of those rare times I just couldn't. I. Was. Miserable.

Hanging out in the ER. After we arrived to admitting, the triage nurse called an "all staff" to my room over the intercom. Three nurses were already in there when they wheeled me in. They helped me into a gown and then two nurses worked at the same time putting an IV in each arm. Then they started major fluid infusions.

Thursday, Hubs and I took a brief, slowwww walk down the hall of my unit, and noticed there was a certain odor in the air. I started dreaming of the spring hyacinths I smelled outside the clinic the week before, and how delicious they smelled, and wished I had some to put by my bedside.

Not two hours later, a flower arrangement showed up at my room.

They were beautiful and smelled just delightful - particularly the hyacinths. :)

Thank you my dear Sara friend.

Four days and six blood units later...

...my beautiful and faithful friends Traci and Sarah (who live five hours away by car) visited me! They happened to be in town for an event and came by the hospital on their way home. What a BLESSING!

Sunday was a good day. It was sunny outside and so bright in my room because of that. My usually serious and occasionally outright grumpy doctor came by and was chipper and even smiled! I had major relief from the pain in my legs that kept bothering me. A visit from some incredible church family, and my baby girl came to see me!

Here I am Sunday night...

...taking my last dose of Tacrolimus!

I am now taking Cyclosporine for transplant anti-rejection purposes instead. It may put my UC into remission too, according to some new research. Here's hoping!!!

It was hard to be away from my sweet girl and my home for a whole week, under the circumstances. I am praying that the tests and changes we made because of the long stay will be fruitful continually in the next weeks and months. I have two new doctors, and they are amazing, and I was finally able to catch up with my liver doctor while there as well. I have a great team working together to help me the best they can.

If you feel led, pray for my doctors, that they would hear and receive treasures of wisdom and knowledge from above, ideas and answers they never thought of before, for great treatment and even getting me completely well again!

So I have been home since Tuesday night. It has not been an easy transition, and I am not feeling too well, which has been so frustrating. Dealing with pain almost 24/7 is so exhausting, and looking into the mirror seeing a pale, exhausted girl staring back is discouraging. I am so thankful I know how to pinpoint those negative thoughts in my mind and boot them out. It is a constant battle in these shoes, but I am determined to win!

I will try to post again before too much time passes, to update on everything. I have five doctor appointments in four days this week. FIVE! Not looking forward to that, especially because one is going to involve some really serious "real talk" about my options and what may need to happen. But that's really nothing new for me. 

God before me, Jesus within me, Holy Spirit surrounding me, I can do it!

thanks for checking in on me. :)

Steady On

I am laying on the couch waiting for a pain med to kick in. My joints are burning something fierce, all over my body. On my left side, nagging at me, my spleen is so enlarged it is poking me in the tummy, lungs, diaphragm. Meanwhile, I think it's my liver that is bothering me on my right side; I felt twinges of pain in my back and shoulder this week, perhaps confirming the bad lab numbers we got this week. Steady on, Em.

Today I was blessed to receive three units of blood, to raise my hematocrit up from the stinky 22 it sank to over the past two weeks of decreasing platelets and increasing UC bleeding. The blood bank couldn't provide a perfect match for me due to my complicated antigen list beyond a simple "O positive" label.
But all went well!

First IV had no blood return - deep breaths, steady on. Had to take premeds as a precaution (Tylenol and Benadryl) and had a fever and felt very flushed for the first unit. Steady on. Eventually I had a nice nap while Hubs read through the first five chapters of "Huckleberry Finn."

A friend has been encouraging me with that short sentence in past days and weeks. I face a challenge, get my brave on, overcome the hurdle, celebrate... then pow, another setback. "Steady on," she reminds me. Okay. I can do that. There are so many reasons to celebrate in the midst of a season of challenges seemingly unending.

Respond to every instance of negativity with that truth set in your mind. And steady on. Pick up your courage, put on your peace, look to the heavens- He is surely watching, never letting you out of His sight. No need for hysterics. No need to dump your confidence - remember His promise: He will richly reward it! Steady on.

When I got the call late Wednesday evening, from the on call doctor passing on the concern the lab had called her about minutes before, I'm happy to say I remembered "STEADY on." Listen to the words - "your hematocrit and platelets are critical," write it down. Ask questions, hear the answers - "a transfusion is highly recommended. Much lower and your heart will be working too hard." Hang up, and talk to God. "Lord, I wish this wasn't happening again. but You are on it. I'm confident You'll see me through. Thank You for that."

And He did. He does. He WILL.

Last weekend we got to go on our trip. Thank You, God, for answered prayers! It rained much, and I was sick too much to be fair, being our first vacation in years. I was tempted to cry all day, commiserate with myself at having to cancel all plans and miss the special time with friends that we planned.
But God has given us the most gracious friendship. They came to our hotel, and we had a great time together despite my limits. I even took a nap when needed, and no one minded a bit.

How that simple gesture, soothed the disgust I feel being the "sick girl" who cancels plans, who comes off as flaky and noncommittal, when that is the farthest from who I desire to be.
And that evening, I felt better, and the next day, more so! And the sun came out. And it was a special time for my little family, making memories, celebrating life.

When something goes awry, a spill and a mess occur, plans are shoved off course, hopes are dashed- but that's just it! Hopes are NEVER dashed. Stay confident. There can always be a course adjustment. Plans may change, but purpose sticks around. Purpose remains, if you let it.

Tonight is uncomfortable. Well less so now... that pain med is kicking in. Thank You for that too, Lord : relief.
"But!" But I was able to receive blood! A little pain for (hopefully) weeks and months of strength and energy. A trip that didn't go as planned. But! the memories I recall now are so rich!

A daily life of late that looks nothing like I thought it would. But! Wealth of love, joy, and meaning like I could never plan for myself.

Choose to be flexible in life. Always let the hurts go, and never miss a chance to celebrate the gifts. Next time you face a tough situation, remain confident. Remember those two words. Steady on.

Hebrews 10:35-36. "So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God you will receive what He has promised."

Ups... and Downs...

Hey y'all. How are you? Do you too feel like February has just flown by? I have not updated in nearly a month and felt the need.

I had a few amazing weeks after my last, mega, blood transfusion. And just last week had blood work taken and got a great report back on my platelets: 54,000! This is still below normal range, which is 150,000-400,000, but much better than the critical numbers I was battling since October. Glory to Jesus and His healing touch!
What didn't come back so great were my liver enzymes, which were quite elevated. My doctor had me get those rechecked yesterday, and thankfully our prayers are being answered, they have decreased. But they have been a bit elevated for a couple months, and I have a liver check up next week, and I know there will be talk of MRIs and biopsies. (sigh...)

All labs will be repeated in two weeks, pending no changes in my symptoms. so then we'll see where things are sitting.

Which brings me to my other news, unfortunately I didn't to enjoy having energy and doing real life stuff again for long. For about a week now I have had an UC flare and been losing some blood and starting to feel fatigue, and then caught a nasty cold which is now in my chest and causing pain and coughing and all sorts of tiredness.
It has been a tough few days, I have been feeling frustrated that I just can't catch a break and be well for longer than that ten day or so stretch I got to enjoy.

Life is hard right now. We are hanging on to the hope of God's provision and sovereign plan, and without that... things look pretty grim.

We have been planning a little road trip getaway for a while, to get out of town, away from the stress, stacks of bills, insurance paperwork, and our still unfinished house. We are scheduled to leave on Thursday morning. If you feel moved to, please pray that we will get to go, that my body will recover a hundredfold overnight, and neither my illnesses nor anything else will stop us from this much needed time of refreshment and fun. A short respite from this cycle of survival mode is so needed.

Thanks for checking in and reading. Life is hard, but God is good!

2 Corinthians 4:16-17
 "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."

I am so thankful for this promise!

His Higher Ways

Things have not been easy lately. That about sums it up.

However, I have some very special people in my life surrounding my little family in love and prayer. I received a card and a grocery gift card last week from one of those special people. The gift card for groceries was hugely helpful to us in a practical way, and the card is very meaningful to me as well because of the message in it. The words resonate with me in this season and brings peace. It says,

"When my life didn't turn out the way I had hoped,
I asked God for help.

He gently reminded me that His plans were better than anything I could have ever dreamed.

His plans for you will be wonderful."

Printed above that is one of my favorite verses, Jeremiah 29:11:

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

The message in the card reminds me of another verse, Isaiah 55:9,

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."

Sometimes when I read that Scripture, I feel like having a childish tantrum and complaining and whining. "Why aren't my ideas and my plans working out? Why can't I be the boss of my life? How dare God not think I know what I'm doing? Waa waa waa"

Yep, total tantrum and completely proving that I'm not spiritually mature yet (that takes a lifetime and more, I'm convinced). But thankfully I am growing, because those tantrum moments don't last as long as they used to. And they flow into new moments, where I am reminded that God is the perfect parent, and does know best. Because of that, I can and need to trust that His fatherly reminder in Isaiah 55:9 is reliable. I can put my faith in it, and trust that when I believe it not only will I live with so much more peace, but my life really will turn out beautifully. He knows best, and I need to be obedient with that simple fact.

I really like The Message translation:

“I don’t think the way you think.
    The way you work isn’t the way I work.”
        God’s Decree.
“For as the sky soars high above earth,
    so the way I work surpasses the way you work,
    and the way I think is beyond the way you think."

The way it is written there, it really paints the picture that God's ways are truly better than mine. When I let go of my small, human perspective and jump into His arms for the greater life He has in mind for me, I won't regret it. Never ever. And that rings true in every experience I've had so far in my 28 years. Whenever I have moved forward into an adventure, into a scary step, with courage and trusting that God's plans were the best, I have been rewarded each time with amazing growth, experiences, and memories.

So whether we're talking about me continuing to face these "incurable" diseases and tough days head on with hope and the future in mind, or maybe talking about you jumping out and taking a risk to move to a new city or job where you know you'll make a greater impact for Christ... the adventures He has in mind for each of us are so unique and beautiful. Whatever it may be, will you join me in facing the challenge with a faith that God has better things ahead than you can dream up, even if there are a few bumps in the road between here and there? Meaning, it won't always be easy, it won't always be sunshine and rainbows... but it will be worth it!

One of my favorite things about Jesus-following life is the great adventure it truly is. There is no more exciting or thrilling or rewarding life on Earth! His ways are higher, His plans are greater...
Let's not let fear or uncertainty or especially comfort keep us settling for anything less!

I Wanna Tattoo!

For some time now (three years maybe?) I've been tossing around ideas [Scriptures or words inspired by Scriptures] for the text of a tattoo I will 'someday' acquire. In black ink. Probably on my inner forearm. :)

I've thought about getting "Jehovah Rapha" - translated, "The Lord is my Healer." I really like the idea of getting that written out in original Hebrew.
I've also considered just one word. "HEALED" - perhaps with a reference to Jeremiah 30:17* or Isaiah 53:5.** The word "VICTORIOUS" and Romans 8:37***

Then last night, I was hopping around Pinterest (yes, I finally joined the club last month) and I came across a little text/art image, the kind that is all the rage these days to reblog on Tumblr and repin on Pinterest. It was pretty to look at, and it happened to be a verse from Psalm 71.

I read it, and it hit me square in the heart; These are the perfect words.

Psalm 71:14 - "As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more."

After all this lymphoma scare craziness (beginning, great news, ruling out other stuff), and of course with my past liver transplant, and the challenges of living with Ulcerative Colitis that just won't go into remission, awful physical pain from enthesitis and arthritis, and living with crazy food intolerances with ridiculous reactions, and now they tell me that the liver disease (Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis) has recurred in my new liver, plus the tests that say there is fibrosis that has progressed all the way to stage 4: cirrhosis...

Yeah, I have no explanation for the strength, peace, and hope I feel, except to point to Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, and my Father God. I couldn't do this without the HOPE I have - for healing, soon on Earth (yes, I am going to be miraculously healed one day, and do so many things I haven't been able to do!) and then of course eternally healed in Heaven.

It's a funny thing to be the cheerful, smiling one in a room with a medical professional, a patient, and some "bad news." But that has often been the exact situation I've been in in the past year. And I've thought often of how I would love to have a tattoo that is just there on my forearm, as a constant reminder of who I am in Christ (Justified, Victorious!), what I can count on as a promise through Christ (Healing and Hope!), and/or words that, when other people read them, allow me an opportunity to share a bit of my journey and give glory to God for being my strength and partner through the journey.

"...Wait a minute! A tattoo as a ministry tool???" Doesn't that idea just have the old-guard legalistic religious Christians turning in their graves :)
(That's me being facetious; no need to get offended.)

*Jeremiah 30:17 - "'But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,' declares the LORD.
**Isaiah 53:5 - "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed."
***Romans 8:37 - "But in all these things we win a sweeping victory through the one who loved us!"

"Diet" Labels, What's Up with Me, and the Bottom Line Goal: Health!

Truth be told, the longer I follow this "Paleo" way of eating, the more I think about my blog, recipes, and life being stuck with a label. And that bugs me. I don't want to be labelled or stuck in a box - by myself or by anyone else. As my profile says, I am on a journey to reclaim my health by eating the foods I'm truly meant to eat. Whatever label popular culture may choose for how I eat, my simple aim remains: to cook and eat real, nourishing, healing food. I think the tendency to need to label everything is a sign of our society's food insecurities and the confusion surrounding what is truly good for us. For instance, as children, most of my generation was taught, "MILK- It does a body good," and these days whole wheat breads and pastas are touted as full of nutritious wonders and the key to a flat belly.
But I bet you know at least one person in your world who has discovered that they are gluten intolerant, or feeling better not eating dairy, or encountered some other food lightbulb experience, and this puts the FDA guidelines - that tendency to push a "one size fits all" diet on every American - to suspicion.


Personally, I tend to go to extremes with things, specifically when I hear about diets that have 'cured' people of their autoimmune disease. I get so excited! About the possibility of being well without medications, and empowered by the information and personal stories of recovery. But (after living and learning a bit) I recognize that extremism is not a healthy way of living. For one thing, it puts the entire burden of failure or success solely on your own shoulders when you are your own coach and critic. Especially with dietary changes, I am learning that everything is not black and white. I am learning that we have to listen to our bodies and consider that we each have our own unique sets of genetic material wired just so, to make us who we are. So what works for your BFF/trainer/blogging idol may not work for you. And... that is okay.

Wouldn't it be easier if I could just follow a black and white plan straight from the pages of a book? Heck yes, and I daily wish that would work for me! (For the record, I'd choose this book or this book.) I believe that food changes alone work for many people, to bring about needed weight loss, relief of joint pain, slow aging, recover energy, and so on. There are testimonies like that all over the net. But throw the factors of a leaky gut, autoimmune disease, food intolerances and chronically damaged and inflamed tissue into the mix (yeah, that's me), and it becomes quite a large Clydesdale horse of a different color...


I am very passionate about making dietary changes before turning to drug treatments that have potential adverse consequences. So when I see someone struggling with disease, I usually think, "I wonder if they've tried changing their diet... if they've tried 'going Paleo'... if they've tried..." This is because changing my own diet has helped me - specifically eliminating gluten, dairy, eggs and soy because my body is intolerant to them, and recently grains and legumes as well, because I have learned by trial and error that my guts do immensely better without them. Once I read about the damage that grains, legumes and dairy do to your guts, it was easy for me to let them go. This is the main reason our family has "gone Paleo." The two special people I live with have great health, and we want it to stay that way!  :)


On the other end of that, however, I have still not reclaimed my health. I am still waiting to find my own personal "perfect diet." I would like to say that kicking the SAD (Standard American Diet) to the curb has cured my Ulcerative Colitis and other junk. But it has not [yet...?]. In fact, this week has been so tough that I'm considering calling my GI doc and giving Prednisone another try if he thinks it will help. Because feeling like garbage is no way to live, and there are times when modern medicine needs to embraced as a gift of modern life, just like cell phones and the internet. [About the internet: Where would all of us blogging about special diets and diseases be without it?! Much more isolated and hopeless, I propose.] I really like my new GI doctor and it wouldn't be a negative experience to go see him. I'm trying to teach myself that even if I don't want to go on new meds, if something changes in my condition I should keep my doctors filled in on how I'm doing and at least see what my options are.


I'm also re-reading Breaking the Vicious Cycle and trying to muster the drive to re-try the Specific Carbohydrate Diet (SCD). I tried it  two years ago, and it helped to some degree. I stopped it before I knew that I was intolerant to dairy and eggs, so odds are it will go much better this time around, knowing that! I don't ever choose drugs first off; I always try to find another route.

Speaking of helping ourselves by making lifestyle and dietary changes, I came across this piece today, by Kurt Harris MD. I highly suggest you read it! I love his gentle but encouraging suggestion for his twelve steps: "Go as far down the list as you can in whatever time frame you can manage. The further along the list you stop, the healthier you are likely to be. Earlier steps, in my clinical experience, will give more bang for the buck."
Personally I am working on the very first step - SLEEP. Easier said than done for anyone, whether you've got a new baby at home or just love a busy life or get stuck on your to-do list so much that sleep takes a back seat!


If you've read this far without moving on to something else, thank you! I'll wrap it up. So all the aforementioned rambling to say, I don't want to hang onto a Paleo label at the expense of reaching someone with the potential of real, nutritious food. I don't want to come across as 'another diet extremist' and scare people off. I want to keep blogging because I hope - like so many blogs I've come across in my journey - that my sharing is encouraging and helping someone out there.
But just know, whoever you are my readers, that when I say "I love eating Paleo"  it's not to belong to some superior food-obsessed clique.  I think that the heart of the Paleo/Primal/Ancestral/Nourishing Traditions food movement is to embrace life at its fullest by embracing the foods that God put on the earth and meant for us to eat. Real, whole, unprocessed, unrefined, colorful, rich, nourishing, hope-filled foods.
On that note, I am going to keep my "Paleo" label for recipes because it simplifies things for my own organization. I know that when I've labelled a recipe "Paleo," it does not have gluten, grains, dairy, casein, soy... the big ones. But it is not an exclusive or inclusive label, because there are several interpretations of what constitutes "Paleo."

World Arthritis Day

Today is World Arthritis Day. Although we don't definitely know that the chronic pain I experience every day is from arthritis, it's close enough that this day has a personal connection for me, regardless of my eventual diagnosis.

I saw Maid in AK's Facebook post about it last night, in which she linked back to a piece she wrote last year, entitled, "Grace." It is beautiful, and so encouraging to someone like me who tries each day to live the delicate balance of chronic pain, wife and mom duties, retaining a semblance of myself beyond the label of "sick person," and continuing to wait for healing from God. Read it, whether you're someone who lives with chronic pain and needs a lift today, or someone who has a loved one that lives with pain. It will give you an idea of what thoughts and feelings they deal with on a daily basis, and hopefully give you new compassion and understanding for them. It can be a lonely, isolated life living with autoimmune disease. Love and a feeling of community are powerful and healing.

God does have a purpose for our pain. He has worked out so much good change in me since I began living with autoimmune disease. As we say at our church, I may not [yet] be who I want to be, but I'm grateful that I'm not who I used to be! He's going to continue to use my pain to transform me into just who He wants me to be for His purpose.

And through it all, I can embrace the GRACE He gives to endure, until we get to learn that purpose. Just that word, "Grace," brings peace and encouragement to mind. I'm going to walk through this day just repeating the word to myself. I need to extend Grace so much more than I do - to others, definitely, and even more so to myself. grace. Grace. GRACE. It's beautiful.

I Don't Have to be Strong

One of my little verse-a-day desk calendars I have around the house has a passage from Colossians 1 today, in the Message translation (my very favorite version of the Bible). I pulled up the whole chapter on Biblegateway to read it in context, and the passage below caught my attention. I realized, How often do I try to push through all the physical and mental challenges that my imperfect body creates for me, on my own, forgetting that God has all the strength and grace I need to get through it? What a relief and a good reminder that I don't have to do it on my own:

(Paul is writing to the believers of Colosse:) "We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us."

Enough is Enough

My eyes are swollen. I cried a lot today. I reached my breaking point and I realized: enough is enough.

I had a perfectly lovely morning at church with Hubs. No more than ten minutes after we arrived home, it started. Pain creeping up my legs; fever starting to consume my body; headache, neckache, spine-ache. I was starting to panic, so confused at the sudden change my body was making. When these flares hit, it's always fairly sudden, but never this sudden. I could tell I was having a low-blood-sugar moment as well, because my hands were shaking and I was really hungry. I got a glass of juice and went to lay in bed. I drank my juice, ate my lunch propped up in bed, and thought I'd stick it out there for a few hours until I improved. (Which was so disappointing, by the way, because the plan was that I would help Hubs do the sheetrock in Baby's room after we ate lunch.)
Sheetrock did not get done this afternoon. I lost my lunch within an hour of eating- no clue as to why. And with that, I just plain lost it.

This afternoon I had a clear realization: I cannot do this anymore. This "double life" I feel like I live - fine some days, confined to bed other days. People see me in public and say I look "healthy" and "great." Those are just my good moments, and I have so many bad moments and bad days that people don't see. It's not a simple situation that we're in. It's not a quick-fix. I just know I am TIRED of trying to manage it myself, TIRED of trying to avoid foods and increase activities that may or may not help, TIRED of not knowing what exactly it is I'm dealing with, and SO TIRED of not having a diagnosis. We need to find a doctor that will help me. A physician I can trust, that won't pressure me to go on toxic medications that I can't imagine being on for the next fifty years, but who will find any other way I can be helped. A doctor who will truly listen, and who is in medicine for the right reasons - who wants to help people get WELL, and who will above all, do no harm. I've been avoiding doctors, because I trusted them too much and I ended up more sick. But I need to give them another try. I am desperate, and I can't do this anymore.

This is no life. It's just existing. I can't do what I want to do, because my body is limiting me. Prayers that we find a great doctor (probably a Rheumatologist - a specialist in auto-immune and inflammatory diseases) would be so appreciated. And even more appreciated are prayers that we discover an answer to this maddening cycle of mystery symptoms that keep me from working and keep me from living a 26-year-old's life. Whether it is inflammatory/peripheral arthritis, fibromyalgia, ankylosing spondilytis, rheumatoid arthritis, or something else completely, I don't even care; I will face any diagnosis at this point. Only from there can I move forward with confidence that ALL the effort I'm making to try to help my body heal is actually making a difference. I am too exhausted to carry on all these possibly-healthy-maybe-making-it-better habits without knowing. I just can't do it anymore. Enough is enough.

Making a Difference Despite the PAIN

Constant, aggravating pain is the worst. It tries to suck you in and turn you into a weepy, angry, selfish ball of frustration. It tries to take away your joy. It wants you to put an Eeyore spin on everything. Feeling constant pain throughout your body, for no reason other than the food you ate or the weather outside, is not something I'd wish on anyone. But it's part of my life right now. And as much as I am tempted to fall into the traps I just listed, I'm not doing that today.

I always try to be proactive about my health, and think about what I can control that may help my day to day life. So I took a few minutes to ponder what I ate yesterday (nothing that's caused an arthritis flare before), to think over my stress level (I can't pinpoint anything bothering me), and then it dawned on me. It's the weather. Yesterday was sunny, blue skies, and 60 degrees for the first time in a long time. Today it is overcast, grey, and COLD - it got down to 38 degrees last night.

So today I am not blaming myself for eating something "bad" or getting stressed when I shouldn't have. I am not in charge of the weather, or the way my body reacts to it. All I can do is do what I can do. (That wasn't a riddle... but it sounds like it!)

Encouraging other people always brings me joy. So I spent some time this morning texting and messaging whoever came to mind, writing whatever thoughts came to mind. I love doing this from time to time, and wish I could convince everyone to do it. Encouraging someone takes the focus off of me and my problems, and points my focus onto loving others.

This is one of those hidden blessings of chronic illness, once you grasp it. Being forced to slow down (or stop altogether!) and not being able to control how you feel physically, you are given a lot of free time to think. And if you learn to direct those thoughts in a godly, positive way, and reject the Mind Monsters that try to creep in, I believe you can make a difference even through your pain. You don't have to have a perfectly functioning body to use your voice. You can always speak into a life, vocally or through the written word, and impact people and situations for good. I have hard days mentally, like anyone with chronic illness, but I'm thankful today isn't one of them. Today, I'm remembering to believe that no matter the challenges we face, God still has a purpose for us if breath is in our lungs. And I will do what I can to make a difference, even if it has to be from the couch in my living room!

Arthritis is for Old People!

Well, a doctor appointment this morning brought Hubs and I some great news. It is always a blessing we do not take for granted when we get a good report for the Doc, as we've had our share of bad, depressing, gloomy and discouraging reports in the past four years.

But tonight I am suffering with an inflammatory arthritis flare. I'm discouraged. Since my visit to the naturopath last spring and the revelation that there are many foods that I am allergic or intolerant to, I have done my very best to avoid and/or eliminate problem foods. And it has paid off, because I didn't have a flare since - until tonight. Bummer. These really are miserable. The pain starts creeping in around late afternoon or early evening, starting as a dull ache in my lower joints and increasing over time (sometimes slow, sometimes rapid), creeping up my legs and core to the point where it's a full-blown, full-body PAIN, much like the aches we all get when we have the flu, but I must take the liberty of saying these aches are worse! More often than not I get a fever, and this is when I label the "attack" as an inflammatory arthritis flare versus just the daily aches and pains of an Ulcerative Colitis/autoimmune disease patient. It can last from four hours to overnight, keeping me from sleeping. If my fever gets really high (it's often stayed above 101 for hours) it is just a tossing and turning, feverish-chills-ridden nightmare. It is these "attacks" that have kept me from being regularly employed the past two years, because I can't control their onset and I can't recover with a magic pill in the event that I have to work.
I will not let myself get depressed about this. I am using this as an indicator that there are some foods that I have yet to eliminate from my diet. I am 80% sure that they are the Nightshades. I made a chicken sausage and tomato sauce to eat with brown rice elbow macaroni last night - and just about 24 hours later here I am just writhing. I can think back to several times over the past six months where I had really bad joint pain (no fevers though, until tonight) and I thought back a day or so and I'd snacked on some cherry or grape tomatoes. Also, we are extremely into Tex Mex and Latin flavors in our kitchen, Hubs and I both LOVE spicy chiles, and I think I've narrowed it down to those being a problem as well. So, I don't have nightshades very often anyway, but I will intentionally go on a Non Nightshade diet/elimination and see if things stabilize and stay that way. Hopefully this is my last food frontier to conquer in my diet!

I really should go, because my joints get so inflamed that it hurts to type. I just wanted to get this out there. I know that things will be better tomorrow, and I'll get this figured out. If you are reading this post and you have experience with Inflammatory Arthritis and/or the Non Nightshade Diet, please comment. I'm always interested to hear other peoples' anecdotes about what worked for them.